Africa!

Ok, I have felt since I returned home from Africa that I need to just sit down and right out my experience and what I am feeling. I have been putting it off because it is so involved yet I don’t yet know how to explain it. Africa in one word is magical. Not a word that I use often but that is what comes to my mind. The landscape, the people, the language, the smells. It is intoxicating. I long to return. I have an adventurous spirit. Although, I have only had small adventures compared to this one I have had them none-the-less. I began praying for an opportunity like this about 10 years ago. Although my adventures have been more spiritual and emotional than physical I am thankful for all of them. However, last November I got a very strong calling in my soul to go to Africa. I hesitated in taking the leap as I have 2 young boys at home but I knew that God would take care of the details. This is what he wanted me to do. My heart for children and spreading God’s word finally brought me to this experience. It was a huge leap of faith to sign on the dotted line and commit to leaving my family for 2 weeks and traveling across the world. I understand that others on the team had done many mission trips and even been to Swaziland before but this was new to me. I am a mother. Motherhood is my life. This contradicted that. Although there is one thing that didn’t contradict my mission, I am a mother. I understand children in a way that woman without children can’t. I live for children. I knew that I could take my heart for children and share my experience as a mother with the kids. My heart could love them in a way only a mother can. This is why God wanted me to go now, instead of my younger, child-free days. It made so much sense to me. Although, I had skeptics I stuck to it and gave 110 percent in my preparation both logistically and spiritually. I wanted God on this road with me because I clearly could not do it alone. I wanted God to use me all the ways that I was meant to be used. Looking back now I don’t feel as though I made a dent in the need that exists but I did all that I could possibly do. I stretched, sacrificed and pushed myself to the fullest extent. I just pray that I was able to touch at least one child’s heart in a way that they will never forget. Now, I have experienced the need and will be praying for these young children all the days of my life. That is where the true power lies. we made our way to the Mhkombokati care point. The drive was long and down a bumpy dirt road. My heart raced with anticipation as we approached. I had been waiting for this for so long. We pulled in and we saw a group of about 30 young children, just like my boys sitting under a tree. In the dirt, holes in their clothes and noi shoes on their feet. They were eating porridge of some kind with their hands. We got out and stood around them. My eyes swelled up with tears instantly and I had to walk away to collect myself. It was awkward, uncomfortable and I feel as though I was watching an advertisement asking for just pennies a day. It is real! No matter how much you read about it or watch it on TV, it is real. Real people, names, emotions, stories. As time went by I started getting more and more comfortable around the children. The five days spent at the care point was the most eye opening, life changing experience of my life. There are no words in the English language to describe. Soon the kids started warming up to me. There was always at least one child wanting me to hold them. They would cling to my leg or try to climb up me. I would hold one and then have to immediately have to hold another. One thing that struck me was how absolutely important a mothers touch is. These children most likely do not get any motherly touch ever. The are starved for it. One little boy that stole my heart was Mpho. A boy of about 3 years old, not much different than my little Jonah. He raised his arms to me and as I picked him up I could feel his ribs under my hands. I have never felt my child's ribs. He wrapped his legs around me and clung tightly to my neck. He nestled his little face into my neck and smelled my skin. He was fascinated with the freckles and moles on my skin and would hold my hand and look at me so closely. I would whisper to him and sing to him and he would light up. Now, this is something that I have not come to terms with yet. I was able to give this love to this little boy for a blink of an eye. A blink. It is hard for me to grasp, to explain. There were many other little children like Mpho that I encountered. Each one with different emotional and physical needs. They are desperate. However, the care point is such an absolute blessing for these children. Although they are in need at home they have a refuge. A place to come to get fed. A place to come to get discipleship and to get taught about the love of Jesus. My faith in God has grown tremendously. Some would say that seeing poverty and need in such a way would not allow for a loving God, but what I witnessed in these children was pure joy despite their need. That can only come from a loving God. He is our hope and in this world that is ALL that we need. We don’t NEED all the conveniences that we have here in America to make us happy we just need Jesus and His love. It is very simple. After 5 days with these precious little ones I had to leave. I had to leave them not knowing if I will ever return. It was heart wrenching but it did not actually hit me until I got home. I will struggle with it for a very long time.
We were also able to experience other special things in Africa. We visited a small hospital in Manzini. I cannot explain what I saw, smelled and heard while I was there. It is forever etched in my mind. We just simply prayed for the sick woman and children and it was heartwrenching. On sunday we visited a nearby church. It was very primitive but what I witnessed was true worship and thankfulness just for breathing. These people have close to nothing but still they lift their beautiful voices to praise our Lord! It was surreal! The voices were music I have never heard, breathtaking!
After our few short days at the care point we were treated to an African Safari. In all my life I never thought I would get to do this. It was everything that I had hoped for. Driving through the African plains and seeing elephants, giraffes, zebras, monkeys and lions in their natural habitat…there are no words. It was breathtaking! The scenery was right out of a book. I could see God’s amazing beauty every where I turned. We finally were home bound and after 33 hours of air travel I was home. The reunion with my boys was the best moment. I missed my family so much! It was so strange to be so far away from them. I am so thankful for my sweet Benji. He took such great care of our babies. It was a stretch for him. He was out of his element but he did a great job. He has been so supportive of my adventure from day one! It felt so good to come home, however it felt strange to have been so far away from home only the day before. I could think of nothing else than the precious little one’s that I left behind. What do I do now? How do I take what I know now and incorporate it into my life? Do I feel guilty for all that I have? Do I sell everything ? Do I push it aside as if it had never happened? It has been quite an adjustment. I am thankful for the new perspective on my life. I have seen God in even the most remote places in deep Africa. He is everywhere! I feel that I have something more to offer my children. I will be a better mother because of this experience. I am having trouble expressing what I am feeling. It is all so surreal. I have been exhausted physically, emotionally, spiritually and in every other way. Benji has been so sweet in accommodating my strange state of mind and exhaustion. I have been falling asleep by 9pm and he just carries me to bed. Laying in my bed was pure heaven. For 12 days I have been uncomfortable. The plane, the beds , the van, the dirt , the small little chairs at the care point. It has stretched me beyond anything I have ever experienced. I am thankful and pray that God will strengthen me to live the way he wants me to live. I am a new person today!